it's been some time since i last went for a jog
i only managed to run 1.8km today
my chest pain came again
this time, i felt as if my chest is being tightened
then i went to climb all da way to da 13th storey
i could hear my heart beating so fast
with no more energy, i took da lift down
suddenly i felt short of breath
i was really gasping for air
for one horryfying second, i thot am gonna faint anytime soon
find it so difficult to breathe
sat at da void deck for sometime to cool down
today was da worst experience ever

FALSE HOPE*****
by Soleil

U think someone feels a certain way,
and they're all u think about every day.
the moment u wake up they are in your head,
and the end of the day before you go to bed.
usually it hits you but it takes sometime,
almost like its planned this and that line.
isnt it though?
you love and then part
but ur the one left with the badly broken heart.
ur smile it shone so brightly before
you wanna leave this world drift away in the shore.
it doesnt make sense you felt lead on
but they told u the truth and now they are gone
he doesnt see that he did this to you
how many tears he has caused how much hurt ur put through.
theres no reason to live
its just another day
each poem u write theres something to say
u know that you loved him then he faded away.
ur upset at the fact he never loved you like u did
you let ur heart show it never once hid.
thoughts of him with another girl or even two,
makes u wanna die for all the hurt he put u through.
ur meant to be together wether wrong or right
u wanna be the one he holds.
he means the world to u and he needs to know
its hard for a girl to love,
hard for her to show.
im sorry i thot u loved me more than u could ever
but i guess not
the fact is u'll love me never.
u may love the next girl who's as pretty as can be
but i hope inside she reminds you of me.
and all the false hope u made me belive even though u dont know
dont stay

Went to grandparents place just now.
as i walked past da nkf dialysis centre,
i remember how i used to
send my grandad for dialysis.
each time i see da green armchair in da living room,
i imagine my grandad sitting there.
i imagine him sitting on da kitchen floor having a drink.
bukit batok brings back loads of memories.
memories of him that keeps lingering in my mind.

Been some days since i last post
busy with exams
so far maths and biochem was ok
edevice quite difficult
biofund totally sux man!
what i study mostly didnt come out
whatever it is, it's over and done with
now am having a 2 mths break
haiz..
am missing my grandfather so much
memories of him keeps coming back
cant help but to keep crying all da time
i miss those times
when he used to call me
just to ask what me and my bros are doing
i miss those days
when he used to tell us stories bout his past
i miss those days
where we used to chat just about anything
i miss hearing his voice
miss his presence

He used to be admitted to hospital quite often
now, he went without coming back
it happened so suddenly
never in my life i cried so much
saw so much pain in my grandmother
seeing her cry makes me wanna cry even more
cant believe this is happening
now my grandfather's gone
oh my god..i'm already missing him terribly

Instead of moving on
i keep coming back
i tried to pull away
but memories just draw me back
so i keep telling myself it's time to let go
that time will fade images of our encounters from my mind
and erase you from my memory

So dat's it?
is this how it's gonna end?
guess dat's what it seems like
an unhappy ending
to a beginning that has never start
sometimes i wish
dat i never bumped into you in da first place

There's not a place for me
not all these while
your door's simply shut on me
i guess you have found someone
but here i am still stuck with these feelings
whether i'm there or not
my presence doesnt even matter to you
wondering if you notice dat
we are drifting apart
far away for far too long

Should i look at you,
or should i turn away
should i go home now,
or should i decide to stay?
if i decide to stay,
will i get anything in return?

argh!!!
my hair's so sucky!
shldnt have cut my fringe.
i need to memorize my jap script for tmr's roleplay.
and still got biochem quiz tmr!
so many things happening sia tmr.

voices tell me i should carry on..
but i'm swimming in an ocean all alone.
should i continue?
or make it a history?

This may never start.
We could fall apart.
And I'd be your memory.
Lost your sense of fear.
Feelings insincere.
Can I be your memory?

So get back, back, back to where we lasted.
Just like I imagine.
I could never feel this way.
So get back, back, back to the disaster.
My heart's beating faster.
Holding on to feel the same.

This may never start.
I'll tear us apart.
Can I be your enemy?
Losing half a year.
Waiting for you here
I'd be your anything.

So get back, back, back to where we lasted.
Just like I imagine.
I could never feel this way.
So get back, back, back to the disaster.
My heart's beating faster.
Holding on to feel the same.

This may never start.
Tearing out my heart.
I'd be your memory.
Lost your sense of fear.
(I'd be your memory)
Feelings insincere.
Can I be your memory?

So get back, back, back to where we lasted.
Just like I imagine.
I could never feel this way.
So get back, back, back to the disaster.
My heart's beating faster.
Holding on to feel the same.

This may never start.
We could fall apart
And I'd be your memory.
Lost your sense of fear.
Feelings insincere.
Can I be your memory?
Can I be your memory?

Those feelings dat's been residing in me
for months,
i wish it will just go away.
it's been there for far too long.

Guess my intention of trying to forget,
havent took effect yet.
i still seem to anticipate those moments.
and when it comes, i just cant seem to stop thinking bout it.
i'll just have to take it slow.
oh shit..
i'm now down with a blocked nose!
i hate this man,
it's so irritating!

All these while, i've been waiting..
for months and still counting.
then, i wonder, will it ever come?
and who am i to wait?
i'm just a nobody.
now here comes da beginning of da end.
i dunno how long it'll take to forget.
but no matter what, i need to end this.
Aniwaes, today i went swimming.
Feeling very tired and sleepy.
but!!
i cant sleep now..haiz
still got my java project to do..
argh!!

So here i am.
Back with new entries.
This holiday didnt do much actually.
Just slacking at home,
watch some tv and exercising.
Actually i plan to go swimming today.
But my whole body's aching!
Am just gonna go tmr in skool.